[Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

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Feandril
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[Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by Feandril » Mon 31st Dec 2007

[Bored Statement]: As bored as I am, I dug up something here... "enjoy" haha! :razz:

Freedom

Rebellions and hatred
Conflict and riots
If your life has been sheltered
You should probably try it
Don’t be a slave
To public desires
To be their type of angel
Is to submit your inner fires
And with fire burned out
You are dead on your feet
Only a corpse shambling
A rattling puppet of meat
But stand to the power
And find your own peace
For satisfaction of self
Is to be gained from release
---------------------------------
Beast

This heart of mine
With its icy desire
Is frozen with pain
From the freezing of fire
That once fueled my soul
Till my heart was devoid
Of its pitiful hold
And I became who I am
Or more what than who
More beast than man
Less me than you
---------------------------------
The Dark

Many times this stories been told
The story of evil’s truest form
Many people have heard it unfold
Yet many couldn’t survive the storm

We grow weary of this tale
Though it shall be told once more
The others came to fail
At least you’ll know what’s at store

She’s sent from the depths of hell
With a cold dark heart
This child of the night
Will tear your soul apart

The only advice to give
Stay in the light
Because danger lurks
In the dark, in the night

Beware if you stray
She’ll fill your mind with lies
Even if you put up a fight
She’ll hide the truth from your eyes

Giving into her lust
She’ll seduce your flesh
Cares your lips
And rip the heart from your chest

She’ll make you watch
Bite by bite
While she finishes her feast
Before you lose your sight

Just remember this
Your soul will take flight
And no one will help you
In the dark, in the night
---------------------------------
Black and White

Flickering colors
Blurring the light
Lost in a world
You’re full with fright
You cannot stay here
In black and white
Your heart is fading
Between day and night
Dusk is upon you
You’ve lost your sight
And with it your soul
In black and white…
---------------------------------
Broken skies

Society brands me lost
Claiming I’m bound
By some ancient seal
To stay on the ground
Both my body and soul
Must remain at my feet
With nowhere to flow
No place to retreat
But my mind is no worm
It cannot be suppressed
No matter how weak I get
No matter how depressed
Forever my thoughts soar
Shifting along the raging gale
Scorching the skies
With the clouds as its trail
Dipping and swerving
Dodging realities bind
Knowing no end
Leaving the world behind
I float into nothing
Lands empty yet full
Seething with energy
Both righteous and cruel
In the darkness I find
Myself staring back
With each action I make
I send it right back
The mirror just stares
Showing my life
I doomed into failure
Forced to endure my own strife
“This shall not be
For success is my blood
And with wealth as my muscle
My being is enough”
The mirror shatters
I’m free of myself
Now I must worry
How to evade what I felt



[Statement]: That is it for now... I am keeping the good stuff to myself! :D
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Place My Body On A Ship And Burn It To The Sea
Let My Spirit Rise, Valkyries Carry Me
Take Me To Valhalla Where My Brothers Wait For Me
Fire Burning To The Sky My Spirit Will Never Die!

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Feandril
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by Feandril » Mon 31st Dec 2007

[Statement]: Very sorry for the double post, but I am in dire need of critics on this piece... I still didn't "finish" it, and I kinda abandoned it back then, so any help with it shall be appreciated. Here goes(title I shall think of later):

As giant wolf sniffs it's prey,
Warriors arise with no delay,
To fulfill their oaths and sacred word,
Risking their lives to preserve the herd.
And once again the bells have rung,
The songs of war will have been sung.
Cry of battle and race of blood,
We clash with titans to stop the flood.
In heat of battle, as brothers we fall,
We will give our lives to protect all.
All that's sacred, all that's ours,
Through glory of death we rise to stars.
The rise of pain, the rise of death,
we charge onwards as world holds breath.
Strength proven and honor kept,
The price in blood we will accept.
Like our fathers once have stood,
We stand now here to shield the good,
For what justice have the ancestors fought,
Should their battle prove for naught?
Was it worth it or in vain?
They would say: "Freedom to attain!
For what avail the plough or sail,
or land or life, should freedom fail?"
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Place My Body On A Ship And Burn It To The Sea
Let My Spirit Rise, Valkyries Carry Me
Take Me To Valhalla Where My Brothers Wait For Me
Fire Burning To The Sky My Spirit Will Never Die!

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BlackOpal
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by BlackOpal » Mon 7th Jan 2008

I like them very much. Political and emotional, very well done.
As for crit... I don't know...
Maybe a couple of them were a bit cliche. There were parts that sounded familiar, kind of typical. They stood out in a series of pieces that I found very original.

This heart of mine
With its icy desire
Is frozen with pain


That sounds kind of overused.

Actually, that's it. They are very good.
Thanks to darvit and /b/for my signature. :D
And thanks Kagoma, for the awesome birthday present that is the C&H sprite!
You can't take the sky from me.
1/4/10- The end of the world as you know it
And it's just the beginning...

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Feandril
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by Feandril » Mon 7th Jan 2008

[Statement]: Well yes, that happens to me all the time. I hear stuff, forget about it and then use it as mine thinking *I* thought of it... weird. And annoying. But thanks! :D :D

BTW, Merry (Orthodox)Christmas everyone!!!!! :D :D
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Place My Body On A Ship And Burn It To The Sea
Let My Spirit Rise, Valkyries Carry Me
Take Me To Valhalla Where My Brothers Wait For Me
Fire Burning To The Sky My Spirit Will Never Die!

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MaeveCrowArtemis1
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by MaeveCrowArtemis1 » Tue 15th Jan 2008

Very nice indeed!I liked most of them!!!
Well theme is typical for you! :D And there is a similar note in all of them but I liked it.Poetry is something that suits you a bit more according to this.With stories you get all things good and then just add few not really necessary parts.Of course that could be just a faze!!And something that you could work on.

Anyway for the songs I agree with BlackOpal.There are some part that shouldn't be there because they are ruining the original and emotional part of the poem.I really loved the BEAST!And the first one represents you mostly.The Dark poem is great too.There are some good parts!

And the poem without a title reminds me a bit on Light Graves by Jovan Jovanovic Zmaj(Serbian poetry writer).
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Blue is the colour,football is the game
we are all together and winning is our aim
so cheer us on through the sun and rain
cause Chelsea,Chelsea is our name

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Feandril
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by Feandril » Tue 15th Jan 2008

[Statement]: Yes, the last one is clearly influenced by "Svetli Grobovi" hehe :D :D
I just love that Serbian-patriotic stuff... makes my blood boil! :D :D

Beast represents me, huh? Well thanks......... not. :| :razz:
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Place My Body On A Ship And Burn It To The Sea
Let My Spirit Rise, Valkyries Carry Me
Take Me To Valhalla Where My Brothers Wait For Me
Fire Burning To The Sky My Spirit Will Never Die!

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MaeveCrowArtemis1
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by MaeveCrowArtemis1 » Tue 15th Jan 2008

Meh not really my favourite theme but Light graves aka Svetli grobovi is a great poem.
Image Image
Blue is the colour,football is the game
we are all together and winning is our aim
so cheer us on through the sun and rain
cause Chelsea,Chelsea is our name

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Feandril
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Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by Feandril » Tue 15th Jan 2008

[Statement]: Pff! Nothing I write is your favorite theme. Well it's always about you!!! Not fair! [Emotional Processor Overloaded. Bypassing. Failure. Rese... Ah Forget It!] Me love you long time!!!
:razz: :razz: :razz:
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Image
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Place My Body On A Ship And Burn It To The Sea
Let My Spirit Rise, Valkyries Carry Me
Take Me To Valhalla Where My Brothers Wait For Me
Fire Burning To The Sky My Spirit Will Never Die!

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MaeveCrowArtemis1
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Location: Serbia

Re: [Statement]: So poetry it is, eh?

Post by MaeveCrowArtemis1 » Tue 15th Jan 2008

:D :lol: :razz:
You are so funny when you are pretending to be mad!!!!!
There are a couple of patriotic poems that are actually good.And I like your poems!!!
And your stories written in "not my favourite theme" style.And that's because most of them are good.And make some sense!

And I knew that you love me :lol: :razz:
Image Image
Blue is the colour,football is the game
we are all together and winning is our aim
so cheer us on through the sun and rain
cause Chelsea,Chelsea is our name

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